Relationships
How to Make Mom Friends: Tips to Find and Keep Mom Friends
When I became a mom in my mid 30s, I thought I knew who my friends were. I never really considered mom friendships and how much of a shift there would be. Moving to the suburbs without my closest friends nearby, and now having a baby felt like a reset on life. I didn’t even know how to meet a potential mom friend with little things like work, nap time, and life getting in the way of that. Motherhood is an amazing journey, but it can feel so hard and lonely without close mom friends who get you. Mom friends offer support and provide a sense of community that can make motherhood feel a lot less lonely. In today’s blog post, I want to talk about how to make new mom friends, and share my story and journey as a mom of 3.
How to Make Mom Friends: Tips to Find and Keep Mom Friends
I feel like I went into motherhood so blindly, but I’m not sure there was a way to really prepare for how much things would shift. It’s never been hard for me to stay in touch with my close friends, but until recently, most of them didn’t live nearby. My best friends are 45 minutes to a plane ride away. And I love them dearly, but it’s so important to have friends nearby. I also underestimated how much things would shift once school started. Having young kids in similar ages and stages would make getting together a lot easier.
My Story
I grew up on the west coast and moved to the midwest in my late 20s. Starting over in a new city came with its challenges, but I was young and flexible. It wasn’t that hard to make and grow new friendships living downtown in my 20s and 30s. Then I got married, had a baby, and moved to the suburbs. I really struggled as a first time mom, as many first-time moms do. Phone calls with my close friends who didn’t live nearby were better than nothing, but I craved connection.
I thought I had found my people, and then everything changed when the pandemic hit and my daughter was diagnosed with cancer. We ended up moving to a new town right after she finished treatment, and I was once again in a new town without any close friends nearby. The friends I grew up with live on the west coast and the friends I made after my move ended up in different suburbs and states. I have more than one best friend that I talk to multiple times a week. Staying in touch is something I am pretty good at, and I’m lucky that my friends are good about that, too. It’s so wonderful having them in my life, but having friends you can connect with in-person is so important.
The Importance of Mom Friends
Motherhood can feel very lonely without mom friends nearby. Mom friends will share experiences, emotional support, help, and make the experience of motherhood feel a lot less lonely. Mom friends function like a support group in a way, and normalize those daily struggles. We weren’t meant to do this alone. This is true whether you’re a working mom or stay at home mom.
I remember my first maternity leave and feeling so lonely in our new suburb. We moved just a few months before our first baby was born, and it was such a huge adjustment. A group of moms, or even one good friend would have made it feel so much better.
Until recently, all my closest friends were 45 minutes to a plane ride away, and I was starting to feel really lonely. Motherhood with younger kids is a very interesting stage of life. You might feel like you’re constantly scrambling and have no time, but crave true friends and adult conversation. And it’s so necessary for our mental health.
How to Find New Mom Friends
If you’re feeling stuck, the good news is that your circle of friends can expand faster than you might thing. It just takes meeting a few great moms that you connect with. I want to share my real life experience growing my circle of friends in the suburbs.
Calls, texts, FaceTime, and social media make it so easy to for friends who are far away to stay in touch. I don’t want a super-active social life, but wanted to find my close mom tribe. The friends that just stop by, or that you meet out for a walk or coffee. Someone to have a mom’s night out with.Two of my friends met at a park, and started getting together with their kids. I recently attended an event because I knew I needed to put myself out there, and made a new friend. We actually didn’t exchange numbers that night but fortunately, we ran into each other at a coffee shop. One of us (I can’t remember which) suggested that we get together.
Turn to Social Media
It should not come as a surprise that I’ve utilized social media to make new mom friends. Many are not local since I’m friends with other creators I talk to, but I recently met a new local mom friend on Instagram.
Join a Mom Group
Most towns have mom groups that you can join to meet local moms. I would do a google search to find one in your area. You can find these groups through community centers and facebook.
Utilize Social Media and Apps
Two of my friends actually met on the Peanut app! It’s a great way to meet someone if you’re in a new neighborhood and looking to meet mom friends. Local Facebook groups are a great way to connect with other moms. There are groups in almost every city and suburb, and specialized groups, too. Search for groups in your area or those that fit your interests. Months ago, I connected with a local mom on social media and we ended up getting coffee. She’s since become a good friend.
Take a Class
Check out your local library, community center, and local parks for events like story time, mommy-and-me classes, and parenting workshops. Look for mommy and me classes to meet moms with kids in a similar stage. Music classes, baby yoga, swimming lessons, and other activities designed for young children often attract other moms looking to socialize.
I signed up for a pickle ball class and it was there that I met my friend Sarah. We instantly connected – she was such a special person. Everyone that met her felt that way about her. You just wanted to be her friend. I was so lucky that she wanted to be my friend, too. She gave me so much hope, and gave me the gift of connecting me with some of her friends, who I’ve since become friends with.
Visit Local Playgrounds and Parks
Spend time at local playgrounds and parks, especially during peak times when other families are likely to be there. Start conversations with other parents while your children play together.
Sign Up for Preschool or Daycare
Play dates with other kids from school or daycare can be a great way to step outside your comfort zone and connect with other moms. Whenever one of my kids mentions a friend they really like at school, I will find that child’s mom’s phone number and ask for a playdate. You won’t connect with everyone, but it’s a great place to start and expand your social circles. And it’s so nice when you get along with your children’s friends’ parents.
Making New Mom Friends
Start a Conversation
Put yourself out there and say hi. Our kids are our common ground, so start there. Comment on something you might notice that you share in common. I was waiting outside a class for my girls just today and started talking to another mom about her kids ages. It might feel scary to start talking to a complete stranger, but kids are the ultimate icebreaker. Be open and share a bit about your own parenting journey. This can make you more relatable and encourage others to want to share their stories with you.
Exchange Numbers
If you talk for a while, or run into the same mom a few times, suggest getting together. If you’ve had a good conversation, suggest exchanging phone numbers to stay in touch. Invite your new friend for a playdate at a park, your home, or a child-friendly venue. This can help your new friendship grow.
Reach Out
The follow-up is the hardest part. But send a text and ask your potential friend if she’d like to get together with or without the kids.
Growing and Keeping Friendships
Once you’ve connected with a mom you’re interested in growing a friendship with, stay in touch. I don’t mean for this to sound easier than it is. For more than a year in our new suburb, I felt like I was really struggling to get to this step and really only had a connection with one person. It felt like I was the one carrying communication with most people I met, and that felt really discouraging.
Check in
Send texts, emails, or messages on social media to check in and maintain the connection. Share updates, funny stories, or parenting tips.
Schedule Get Togethers
Set up recurring playdates, coffee dates, or group outings to ensure you see each other regularly. Once you’ve gotten together a few times, plan a double date night with your partners. My husband really hit it off with my friend’s husband, and we’ve gotten our families together a few times. Consistent interactions help deepen friendships.
Create a Mom Group
Connecting other people is one of my favorite things to do and chances are that you’ll like your friend’s friend. Form a small group of mom friends who can meet regularly for social activities, support, and fun. Having a group dynamic can add variety and strengthen bonds. I wanted two new friends who hadn’t met to meet, and made it happen. And now our new little group has planned a few dinner dates over the coming months.
Be a Good Friend
Good friends check in and show up. Remember big dates, milestones, and achievements. I met a new friend who was going through cancer treatment and put her treatment dates in my calendar so I could check in. Encourage honesty and authenticity – I loathe small talk but love nothing more than a 2-3 hour lunch where we talk about everything. Practice empathy and understanding. Try to see things from your friends’ perspectives and offer support.
Remember that it takes time to find someone you’re meant to be good friends with. You’re not going to connect with everyone, but that’s ok. You wouldn’t want to be friends with every single person you met – it would be impossible to keep up. It’s about having a couple great friends you can really connect with, or it is for me. I love the women I’ve met locally, and of course, my old friends who aren’t nearby, too. But it’s so nice and so important to have friends in town, and I’ve noticed that this place feels a lot more like home the last few months because of it.
Why I'm Glad I Started a Family Later in Life
Finding, making, and keeping new mom friends can be really hard. I know all too well what it’s like to be in my late 30s and 40s, in a new town with kids, uncertain of who my people are. By using online resources, participating in local activities, and being open to new connections, you can build a strong network of mom friends that live near you. Nurturing these friendships through regular communication, support, and shared experiences will create bonds that will make your motherhood journey a lot more enjoyable and less lonely.
