I’m 42 today. And I thought it might be inspiring to read something about other people’s experiences and the things they’ve learned in their 40s. The first article that came up was about how your 40s being your unhappiest decade before things get better again. I didn’t read it and that has not been my experience. There’s that part of me that’s like wasn’t I just in my 30s? How is it that my next big milestone is 50?! But please don’t give up on me. I swear this post is more positive than that.

I feel older in the sense that I don’t know what the kids are watching, wearing, or listening to. And by “kids” I mean 20-somethings. So in that sense, I feel a little old, but you couldn’t pay me to go back to that. I want to share some great reasons why you should not only not fear your 40s, but how you’ll also probably become the best version of yourself. 

Embracing Being In My 40s: Why I Feel Like My Best Self

In my late 20s, I would have told you that I had to be married with kids by my early 30s. I put so much focus on these self-imposed timelines that at the end of the day, meant nothing. Yes, there are biological clocks but if the goal was to be a mom, I’d find a way eventually. My early 40s don’t look at all like I thought they would. I was newly pregnant with my third and last baby on my 40th birthday. I was 5 months postpartum when I turned 41. But this is the first time in my life where I’m really happy where I am right now, and not focused on what’s next. And my age doesn’t really seem to be a factor if you take out things like mammograms and heart screenings.

I don’t have a checklist for my late 40s because life feels good. Sure, there are things I’d like to do and new experiences that I’d like to have, but I’m just here, enjoying my life with my husband and 3 little kids. At 42, my oldest is 6 and my youngest is almost one-and-a-half. But I’m a better mom than I would have been had I had kids 10 years earlier. And I’ve learned so much along the way, through getting older and life’s experiences. I wish I knew everything I know now in my 20s and 30s, but that’s not how it works. And it wasn’t until I got older that I learned to embrace where I’m at in life. 

I know Myself and What Matters

I spent so much of my adult life holding on to people who weren’t good for me. From spending my 20s in an abusive relationship and dating guys who just weren’t that into me, to all the pain caused by my narcissistic mother, and trying to hold on to old friends who weren’t that great. I know too much to do that now. Much of this revelation of what and who matters comes with age and of course, experience. I’ve learned to prioritize my mental health. I care less about stuff and more about experiences. Quality time with the people I love matters more to me than anything. 

This is probably the best thing about being in your 40s, or it has been for me. But the most positive change is that I’ve really come to know myself. I know what I like and don’t like. I know what and who matters in my life, and there’s no room for the things or people that don’t. 

I’ve Accepted Myself As I Am

I didn’t put on a favorite outfit and get all dressed up for a photo for this blog post. Sure, I’ve embraced getting dressed again, but today, I wanted a photo of me, as I am. My brows are filled in but I’m not wearing any makeup, and I’m in my new glasses because my vision is getting worse and I really do need them. And guys, they are bifocal lenses. The eye doctor told me I didn’t have to have them, but recommended them for my eyesight, which, I was reminded will get worse with age.

This is me. 

I’ve Prioritized My Health

I went on a journey to not only make sure my health was in check, but also lost the baby weight and had a breast reduction and lift. Getting older, it’s impossible not to think about these things. I lost a friend this year, and I have 3 young children, so making sure I’m my best self for myself, but for them, too, matters.

Physically, I feel better in my own skin than I have since before I had kids. My deep dive into my health took place because heart disease and diabetes are genetic for me, and those were things my grandparents faced in their 40s. I finally got a mammogram this year, and did a heart calcium screening (both looked great!). I do have high cholesterol and my next focus is getting that in check, and working out again.

Knowledge is power, and I am staying on top of it. 

I’m also on a journey with my new therapist, to work through all the stuff around my narcissistic mother. Why? Because things come up as you get older and for me, as I’ve had kids, and I want to be the best version of myself for me and my family. That’s what my 40s are about, for me anyway. 

My Breast Reduction and Lift

I went from a D to a G (DDDD) and felt so uncomfortable in my own body.

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I’ve Redefined Success

In my 20s and 30s, success was often defined by the things I could tell people. It never felt like enough. But as I got older, I cared less and less about the things that don’t matter, like titles. In fact, I didn’t want the title of CEO which, makes sense given I was running 2 blogs and calling myself the CEO of a blog felt a little self-righteous and embarrassing.

In my 40s, I’ve realized that success is deeply personal, and it’s okay to redefine what it means. Success, for me, is being able to take my son to a class during the workday. It’s getting to truly be my own boss. It’s getting to pick my daughters up from school, and choose taking on the projects I want to take on. It can be as simple as living a balanced life, finding joy in the simplest moments, and having the freedom to pursue new passions. 

It Doesn’t Have to Be Perfect

As a type A Virgo, I often chased perfection. This was true in my career, appearance, home, and relationships. But in my 40s, I’ve realized that perfection doesn’t matter. I’ve learned to embrace and accept the imperfection, all while still being me and loving a good organization project. But I can be a great mom without being a perfect mom, because the perfect mom doesn’t exist. 

We’re Never Done Learning or Improving

I’ve learned that it’s never too late to reinvent yourself, try a new hobby or passion project, or to learn something new. It wasn’t in my 40s until I started doing more video, and here I am, not really knowing what I’m doing, starting a podcast of all things. Does the world need another podcast? No. Do I think this will be my next big thing? Nope. If I’m lucky, I’ll break even the first year. But it’s something I know I’ll enjoy, and I’ve wanted to do it for a decade, so here I am, following my dream at 42.

It’s never too late. 

I am More Aware Than Ever That Time Is Not Infinite 

This one might feel painfully obvious, but it wasn’t until recently that I started to really think about this. I’m less afraid of it all now because I know that time isn’t promised. Earlier this year, I lost a dear friend. I’m still so fucking sad about it – it’s just so wrong. It was also a reminder that we are lucky to grow older. It is a gift to have each and every day with our families and friends. Time is not promised, and the best way to make the most of it is to live your life, and love your people. Take the trip or follow the dream. We don’t have forever.

I am More Grateful Than Ever

It’s easy to get caught up in what’s missing or what’s not going well, but practicing gratitude has been a game changer. It’s shifted my focus from lack to abundance, from frustration to appreciation.

I think it was the lessons and experiences of my 20s and 30s that shaped who I am becoming in my 40s. I feel an awareness I didn’t feel before, a strong desire to take care of myself as I get older and the desire to live life the way I want to live it. If we’re lucky, we get to keep getting older, learning and growing, and becoming better versions of ourselves as the years go by. So if you’re about to turn 40, or are afraid of hitting this milestone in the years to come, know that there’s so much to look forward to. Your 40s aren’t so scary after all.