Once I came down from the high of our engagement, the expectation of what being a bride should look like and how I’m just not there really hit me. I found myself flooded with questions about every detail and how excited I must be to plan. Except I’m not.
Let me be very clear about the fact that I can’t wait to be married.
I love Conor and the week of our engagement was hands-down the happiest week of my life. Then we started talking about dates, cities, countries, locations, and budgets and it’s just stressful. It feels as if the entire world is telling me that I should be excited about planning “the best day of my life”. I am so excited for the moment that we become husband and wife but when I dream about that day, my head isn’t flooded with flowers and place settings. I imagine standing someplace beautiful, what we’ll say, and the people we’ll celebrate with. That’s it.
For as long as I can remember, I always thought I’d elope. Then I met Conor. I’ve mentioned that my family hasn’t really made me want a big wedding but after celebrating our engagement with family friends, I want to share this moment with the people we love. When presented with the idea of having private vows–like just the two of us–the thought Conor’s family and some of our close friends not being there didn’t feel right at all.
Unfortunately, the road blocks have been nonstop. Budget, availability, and locations are all so up in the air. Some of my closest friends are wedding photographers with tons of dates blocked out, and I can’t not have them by my side. We were all set on a private ceremony and dinner at the Zero George in Charleston when they backed out last-minute shattering the peace of mind I had with my low-key no frills patio dinner wedding. And just like that, the charming little hotel we stayed at years ago was off my list.
Finding the right non-wedding venue in the right city isn’t nearly as easy as I thought it would be. I thought I’d find a restaurant, make a reservation for 20 people, and be done. But $10k minimums for a dinner for 20 had us feeling overwhelmed and discouraged.
I’ve wanted to be real for you and with you–to share what’s going on but need to respect the privacy of people in my life. Even though I can’t share the actions of others, I can share what I’ve been feeling, so after almost two months of ups and downs, I want to finally talk to you about how i’m feeling.
If you’re a bride who isn’t excited about planning her wedding, this is for you
There’s so much pressure to feel like you’re supposed to enjoy this time but it’s ok if you don’t.
It’s ok if you don’t care about all the details.
It’s ok to tell people you don’t enjoy wedding planning, but remember what you are excited about and why you’re doing this in the first place. It’s so easy to get caught up in the stress.
It’s ok if your upcoming wedding makes you feel sad because you don’t have strong relationships with your parents, if you’ve lost a parent, or if it brings up something you’ve lost. If that’s where you are, I really feel for you. Do not let what you don’t have take away from what should be a happy time. It’s ok to feel those losses but do your best to focus on the good.
It’s ok if there isn’t a parent to walk you down the aisle.
Your wedding day doesn’t have to be the best day of your life and everything doesn’t have to be perfect. It’s one day – and the details of that day will not define your future. It’s ok and probably best if you focus less on the day and more on what it’s really about. Focus on the good. The people who love you and the reason you’re doing this. Focus on your marriage.
It’s ok if the planning process doesn’t feel like the happiest time of your life. If I’ve learned anything over the last two months, this time is difficult for almost everyone and you are most definitely not alone.