Things I’m Afraid to Tell You
A post by my friend Jess created a movement in the blog world and about a month and a half ago, I decided to start writing. But I never hit publish. I almost set it to publish last night but woke up and pined over it a bit longer. I do my best to be open and honest on my blog, but this felt like a little too much to share. It was after a surprise visit from Jess this weekend that I was inspired to finally hit that little orange button. Thanks, Jess!
I do fear that these honest posts may come across as negative and I really hope they don’t. The last thing I want to do is seem ungrateful for anything because that is not the case. I would rather keep it real than pretend everything is perfect. And I would rather be honest than post pretty things all day long. Many bloggers paint this sunshine and rainbows picture of their lives, but doing so isn’t getting anyone anywhere. In fact, I think it’s doing more harm than good. I don’t know how my life seems to all of you, but let me be the first to tell you that it is not close to perfect. I do not have it all figured out and I most certainly do not know how to get it all done. I love what I do, but I work a lot. I have accepted and embraced that this is what I need to do right now.
After lots of procrastinating, here are the things I’m afraid to tell you:
I struggle to balance clients (I work with anywhere from 5-8 clients at a time), editing photos, and working on The Everygirl. I tend to feel pretty overwhelmed on a
regular basis. When I meet someone and they ask what I do, just listing my multiple jobs always feels overwhelming. And then there’s all the other “life” stuff. Balancing everything is much harder than it used to be.
Since I majored in Sociology and fell into graphic design/photography (I am self taught) I often doubt my abilities and will sometimes compare my work to the work of other more experienced designers. I try to focus on what I can do rather than what I can’t do, but there is so much that I’d love to learn so that isn’t always easy.
I very critical of decisions that I make and I second guess myself a lot. I was a wreck before moving to Chicago and was a mess before moving to my new apartment a few weeks ago but both big changes worked out really well. I sort of hate big changes.
I spent half of my savings in the first two years that I lived in Chicago. I was afraid of being on my own in a new city and rented an overpriced apartment in a high-rise with a doorman in an expensive neighborhood. I moved into my new place in a new neighborhood two weeks ago and am saving a lot of money each month. I also love this place (and area) so much more than I ever thought I would.
I want people to like me but I’m less sensitive about this than I used to be. You just can’t please everyone.
I worry a lot. I am a very anxious person but have been much better the past few months.
I have not kept in touch with most of my LA friends. I still talk to my best friend Jess, my oldest friend in the world, and one of my friends from high school, but that’s it. I grew apart from everyone else and realized that a few of them did not treat me very well. Sometimes, you just need to move on.
I don’t love getting dressed up and am happiest in skinny jeans and flats. But if I’m being really honest, I am actually the most comfortable in yoga pants.
I talk/sing to Buddy every day and have a feeling that our interns think I’m insane. He even has his own song. Buddy Buddy handsomeface. You’re so good and I love your face. I should take up songwriting.
I have been in a long distance relationship for almost two years. If we hadn’t been so focused on work this past year, I’m not sure we would have been able to do this. And I’m not sure we’ll make it. It is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
As friends continue to get engaged (and married) and as I continue to get a little older, I worry about a. not getting married and b. never having a family. With my 20s coming to an end this September, I have realized that I don’t have forever.
My relationship with my mom is probably the best it has ever been. We’ve been pretty up an down throughout my teen years and most of my 20s, so I hope things continue to be this good with us.
I have not spoken to my dad in about ten years. He was never a very good father.
Since starting CrossFit I have incorporated a little organic and free range chicken and turkey into my diet.
I feel like I’ve failed at blogging this year. I went from posting on my blog at least 5x a week to 2-3x a week, and just 1x last week and I have pretty much stopped reading blogs this year. The time just isn’t there anymore.
So there you have it. Some of this I’ve written about and some might be new to you. If you have any questions, ask away! I’ll do my best to answer.